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A Talk with Hubby

May 27th, 2013 at 04:15 am

Many of you have pointed out to me that my hubby seems to be a reluctant partner in this Total Money Makeover of ours. To which I could not agree more. And it's certainly not as if that's something he and I haven't discussed. But its been a difficult topic for him. He feels like he works and works and works and yet has nothing to show for it (there's some truth to that right now). And generally speaking, since he lets me decide how to spend most of the money even though he makes most of the money, I try not to be too hard on him.

I did get annoyed enough the other night to bring it up again though. I was trying to have just a strategic, non-emotional discussion about what we should prioritize first once we finish paying off the last* credit card next month (*please ignore the fridge for now. I need that to be separate so I can be done, or I will implode.) But it once again turned in to a whine fest.

I managed to mostly keep my cool and said that while this certainly is hard, and there certainly is reason to whine about it occasionally, that shouldn't have to be the case every time money is discussed. That it made me feel like I was making him do this even though he has agreed many times that he feels it is what's best for us as well. That in order to feel like partners in it, I needed to just be able to talk strategy with him sometimes so that we could figure out how to best prioritize things together. I didn't say it all quite that nicely, but I did my best.

He didn't take it all that well at the time (it had been a long day and perhaps was not the best time to bring it up in retrospect). But later that night he did seem to come around some. And since then he has actually been much better. He even offered to put off getting the new laptop he so wants until the fridge payoff is done. We talked about how we might generate a report for him to look over after each paycheck so that he has a better understanding of how the numbers are moving (we're nerds like that). I told him that I was actually frustrated about it all the time too, and that if I didn't have my spreadsheet to look over and fiddle with almost daily I would probably be a wreck. Simple tasks like changing box shading from yellow to green to show it's completed do wonders for keeping me sane.

So, hopefully that was the talk that will finally change things. And we are so, so close. One more paycheck (don't talk to me about the fridge yet). It's really hard to not fixate on it. To a level of being unhealthy probably, but it's just been soooo long and part of me just can't believe that we're really about to frickin' do this. I keep checking and re-checking because it seems surreal. As if any moment a large, unforeseen expense will rise up and swallow us whole. But so far, the spreadsheet says we're on track. It says we're okay. Just one more paycheck...



5 Responses to “A Talk with Hubby”

  1. Jenn Says:

    Good for you! Hang in there. And think of something you can do to celebrate (that doesn't cost extra) when that stinkin' CC is paid off. That may move your husband's focus from the sacrifice to the progress.

    Good luck!

  2. creditcardfree Says:

    You are doing great and those hard conversations are part of the process! Keep up the great work.

  3. snafu Says:

    Ann, you're a smart lady and you picked the end of a l-o-n-g day to talk money? You've nailed it, we have to pick our battles and it might as well be when there are good vibes. I look at your sidebar and say Kudos to you sticking to your plan, doing terrific in a short time frame. Would it help to give DH a print out of where you expect to divy the money two days before pay hits the checking account? Will it help to tell DH how terrific/co operative/delaying gratification of a new laptop/patient etc. with the paradigm change just 5 months ago?

    I don't want to upset you but now that this segment is nearing completion, and after DH gets his new laptop, what is the plan going forward? When will you be ready to toss about ideas on SL and mortgage? Please relax it's not a good idea to fiddle with the spreadsheets daily or fret about green and yellow boxes. Just give yourself a well deserved big pat-on-the-back.

  4. rob62521 Says:

    Hang in there...it is frustrating when you feel you both aren't on the same page. DH sort of resented it when I was trying to save money here and there until he realized I didn't want to do without everything, but it afforded us the luxury to save money and spend it on important things. Hope he sees your way of thinking and works with you.

  5. LuckyRobin Says:

    I fiddle with my spreadsheets all the time, too. Maybe not every day, but 3 to 4 times a week. Because my husband is one so much I put my weekly spending and bills on my blog so he has an idea of what is going on with our money no matter where he is. It makes a difference with keeping him on board. I mean, he wants to be on board, he has said so many times, but he still sometimes wants what he wants when he wants it and he works hard. Seeing the numbers helps him to understand where we are on saving up and paying out.

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